New Years Resolutions

When my bladder is full, I'm going to urinate in a toilet - not in my pants.

I'm going to eat steak, and a baked potato.

When the voice asks me what I want when I'm at line at Burger World - I'm not going to scream "Take me now Jesus! Take me now my lord!". I will ask for a Chubby Cheeseburger & rings instead.

I will try not to confuse my feelings of sadness for fucking turkeys. And neither for my feelings of fucking turkeys for eating ham & cheese sandwiches.

Numbers are for counting, but letters are for reading.

I will learn how to make toast using a chair.

I will discover where the wormhole in the mailbox goes to. I will then kill the person that uses it to transport my mail - unless they teach me their secrets.