An OCD Crisis

As I usually do I ate lunch at my desk, this time eating a chicken almond melt sandwich from Gorin's. It's quite good, you should try one! Nonetheless a thin grease lining developed around my fingertips from the lard saturated bread they used.

Now, that doesn't bother me - I can wash my hands. But now my keyboard and more importantly my mouse is slick from the grease. Grease slickness, not Grace slickness.

So what can I do? I can't wash the mouse, and drying won't help. Plus, I can still smell the sandwich. Also I might have heartburn.

I shouldn't have eaten the sandwich, this is precisely the reason why I have to take Lipitor. And Lipitor makes me fart. Not that I didn't fart before, but now I can have an excuse.

I Almost Forgot - One More Thing About Me You Probably Didn't Know About Me

19. In 1978 the Los Angeles Rams miracolously came back 20 points behind with 50 seconds to go against defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers. What is not known is that it was me - that wished for a miracle that God granted that gave Los Angeles that incredible win. Unfortanately for young 6 year old Abner Yonce - another wish was granted. That he was decapitated in a gruesome accident involving a stolen Star Wars action figure.

Another Thing About Me I Forgot To Include

18. Kansas City is ALWAYS exactly 100 miles away where ever I am.

Things You May Have Not Known About Me

1. 6.8 percent of my body mass is made up of gravy

2. I am the Skipper AND Mary Ann.

3. The state of South Carolina was named after me. But due to a technicality, the renaming was withdrawn.

4. Ernest Hemingway once said this about me: "If he was a lion, I would have chased that son of a bitch down to Cuba. In any case, his use of the word "dude" expresses both sympathy and pity. But his charisma, is like a lightning bolt through heaven, where only God ponders it's meaning."

5. I don't understand a fucking word what Ernest Hemingway says.

6. I make it a practice of, after leaving a town, of killing everyone. It's a kind of obsessive compulsive thing - if you watch 'Monk', you would understand.

7. At my workplace, I am known as "Brad The Omniprescent Pisser".

8. Every time my wife turns the remote controller, a little part of me dies.

9. I am a two time champion in Greco-Roman wrestling. My secret? I use a rifle.

10. When I sleep, Canada is my pillow, the United States is my blanket, and Mexico sucks my toes.

11. I created a canopy made of rayon that would shield me from harmful sarcastic remarks. The problem? It dissolved compassion or my fellow humans.

12. Ben has first dibs on my kidney.

13. Between 1995 & 1998 - I was dead. Don't believe me? Ask around!

14. I taught everything Tiger Woods knows... in love!

15. I do not acknowledge the existence of the number fifteen.

16. I dream of sea monkeys. It is a curse.