Chicken Monkey Donkey

Friday, July 30, 2004

Copying & Pasting Religious Email Bull Shit When You're Drunk At Work Time!

Two traveling angels Keep reading to the bottom of the page -- don't stop at the feet (You'll see). Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem." The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had, the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die. "Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it." "Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem." Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later... Oooo Some people ( ) come into our lives ) / and quickly go.. (_ / oooO ( ) Some people \ ( become friends \_ ) and stay awhile... leaving beautiful Oooo footprints on our ( ) hearts... ) / ( _/ oooO ( ) and we are \ ( never \_ ) quite the same because we have made a good friend!! Yesterday is history. Tomorrow a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present! I think this is special...live and savor every moment... This is not a dress rehearsal! (\ /) ( \ __ / ) ( \()/ ) ( / \ ) TAKE THIS LITTLE ANGEL ( / \/ \ ) AND KEEP HER CLOSE TO YOU / \ SHE IS YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL ( ) SENT TO WATCH OVER YOU ____ Now don't delete this message, because it comes from a very special angel. Right Now - -somebody is thinking of you. -somebody is caring about you. -somebody misses you -somebody wants to talk to you. -somebody wants to be with you. -somebody hopes you aren't in trouble. -somebody is thankful for the support you have provided. -somebody wants to hold your hand. -somebody hopes everything turns out all right. -somebody wants you to be happy. -somebody wants you to find him/her. -somebody is celebrating your successes. -somebody wants to give you a gift. -somebody thinks that you ARE a gift. -somebody loves you. -somebody admires your strength. -somebody is thinking of you and smiling. -somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on. SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU TO SEND THIS TO THEM ===== Never take away anyone's hope. That may be all they have

Friday, July 23, 2004

Because My Love For John Knows No Bounds

 YOU'RE HAVING MY BABY
 (Paul Anka)
 Paul Anka & Odia Coates - 1974

Ancient Greek Text:

 PAUL: Havin' my baby
 What a lovely way of sayin' how much you love me
 Havin' my baby
 What a lovely way of sayin' what you're thinkin' of me
 I can see it, face is glowin'
 I can see in your eyes, I'm happy you know it....

BOTH: That you're havin' my baby
 PAUL: You're the woman I love and I love what it's doin' to ya
 BOTH: Havin' my baby
 PAUL: You're a woman in love and I love what's goin' through ya

PAUL: The need inside you, I see it showin'
 Whoa, the seed inside ya, baby, do you feel it growin'?
 Are you happy you know it? That you're....

BOTH: Havin' my baby

ODIA: I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me
 BOTH: Havin' my baby
 ODIA: I'm a woman in love and I love what's goin' through me

PAUL: Didn't have to keep it
 Wouldn't put ya through it
 You could have swept it from you life
 But you wouldn't do it, no, you wouldn't do it

 etc....

King James Version:

 PAUL:
 You will give birth to my prodigy
 A preferred manner in western culture to express fidelity
 You will give birth to my prodigy
 A preferred manner in western culture to acknowledge male superiority
 I have proof of your pregnancy
 Your face is getting fat
 And your eyes are bloodshot
 I'm glad that prostitute didn't cause me to be infertile

BOTH:
 Hoping it's our legitimate child
 ODIA:
 I'm married to an unsympathetic man who delights in seeing me vomit
 BOTH:
 Hoping it's our legitimate child
 ODIA:
 At least I figured out how to keep my husband from divorcing me, now if I
 can only get rid of this son of a bitch

PAUL:
 Considering abortion is legal you didn't have to keep the pregnancy
 Really, it would have been fine if you didn't want this pregnancy
 But despite my pleading, you refused to abort the child

 
 etc....

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Post Election Day

It just occured to me, I voted, I went out of my way and made an effort to do something.  I did something that is commendable, but I didn't get anything out of it.  No one hugged me or patted my back.  Maiden virgin girls didn't shower me with sweet smelling flowers.  I didn't get jack.  I would have been happy with at least a toaster.  Voting sucks - I wouldn't recommend it because no one gives you anything.  Because that is my motto, don't do anything unless you get stuff in return.  Such as weddings, I got stuff, stuff I don't care about (I didn't get a TV), but I did get a toaster.  Work is another thing, I show up to work most of the time.  They give me money in return for sitting in my chair. 

This is my adivice - instead of voting you should smoke crack.  Unless it's for American Idol, and as long as you're using the company phone (because I don't want to pay 99 cents).  But even then you can still vote for American Idol and smoke crack.  They won't let you appear at the voting precinct and smoke crack.  Voting sucks!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Atlanta Election Day

Today was primary elections, which for Atlanta residents generally means 'the election day'.  In a heavily democrat city as Atlanta, the democrat primaries for city, state, & congressional office will determine who will hold office.  Ignore that trivial November election,  no republican need bother running.  But besides the big campaigns, senate & president - it all seems anti-climatic.
 
With little fanfare, today essentially determines who will be the City Council President, state legislative & senate, federal congress, as well as an array of judges.  November will simply be a formality, as very few republicans ever receive substantial amount of votes in Atlanta - excluding Buckhead.  An even greater determinate was the municipal sales tax referendum - a 1 cent sales option for wastewater / water / stormwater upgrades.  I was basically voting for my job.  If the sales tax doesn't pass, city citizens will receive the brunt of the sewer project expenses, meaning their council members will cower to their threats and no longer support the project.  Eventually meaning, the project will either be considerably cut or disposed.
 
So here's hoping that the sales tax passes & the council president in favor of the project wins.  And with local elections essentially decided, wait it out for November's statewide & national election, and of course to put the icing on the cake for those democrats running against the hapless republicans.  If this sounds smug, forgive me - but it's not often anyone in the South lives in a democrat stronghold.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Another Round of Encrypted Lyrics

"Angel of the Morning" - Chip Taylor


There'll be no strings to bind your hands
Not if my love can find your heart
And there's no need to take a stand
For it was I who chose to start
I see no need to take me home
I'm old enough to face the dawn

Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Then slowly turn away from me

Maybe the sun's light will be dim
It won't matter anyhow
If morning's echo says we've sinned
Well, it was what I wanted now
And if we're victims of the night
I won't be blinded by the light

Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby
Just call me angel of the morning, angel
Then slowly turn away from me

I won't beg you to stay with me
Through the tears of the day
Of the years, baby


I am not expecting any commitment from you
Even if you acknowledge that you love me as well
You are not pressured to make a decision now concerning our future
Because having sex with you is my decision
I don't want to go home and masturbate alone
I am not bounded by primitive notions of morality

Just call me a ho', playa'
Just leave the money by the door
Just call me a ho', playa'
Then walk away before I know what I slept with

Perhaps it will be overcast resulting in limited sunlight
Not that it would matter
If my mother tells me I'm a tramp in the morning
I have sexual desires to purge that can't wait
And if we are both intoxicated from alcohol & that pill you dropped in my drink
I will not allow nineteenth century theological attitudes control my viewpoint

Just call me a ho', playa'
Just leave the money by the door
Just call me a ho', playa'
Then walk away before I know what I slept with

I could care less if you stay with me
Through the hangover I'll endure
And the illegitimate baby I'll bear

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Bored.