Hey Asshole - Get To Know Me!
1. What cleaning product do you prefer to use when poisoning unwanted house guests?
Easy - everyone's favorite, Clorox! Minimal vomit & at least for 1 hour you can have your way with them while the poison demobolizes them.
2. Which cartoon character have you had sexual fantasies of being tied & tortured?
You might think this is cheating - but despite this character being best known as a video game, they did make a cartoon - ala Pacman. But my answer would be QBert.
3. Which serial rapist would you choose if you were forced to be raped?
I think I would prefer a female rapist - which would obviously be Debra LaFave (who would officially be a serial rapist if she raped me). But if I was going to go with a male rapist - I would think it would be John Wayne Gacy. What can I say? I love clowns!
4. If you had to lose a limb, which one? Also, if the dismemberment choices were between burning, sawed with chainsaw, bitten by pit bull or bitten by self in order to free oneself from a rock, which option would you choose?
Definitely my elbow, though if possible I would like to keep the rest of my arm. I would choose to have my elbow burnt - a control burn. Obviously this would be quite painful, but really - would I really want to have my elbow sawed or bitten? Obviously not, that would be stupid
5. When did you first realize that existence was without any purpose & that our lives are meaningless within the scale of a void-less infinite godless space?
I think that would be in the mid 80's when I got the Atari 2600 game E.T.
6. When did you first french kiss -
6b. Your father?
Now that is just sick. I would never french kiss my father. Now, if it was Father Dowling played by Tom Bosely then we'll talk
6c. Your household pet?
When I was nine.
Hey - I didn't say I was proud about it. But I was nine, who else was I going to french kiss?
7. Scenario - you have kidnapped your loved one & intend to kill them, realizing that they will never truly love you as you love them. Who will you kill first, your loved one or yourself? (Trick question!)
I would hope I would get this one right - my lover of course. I always feel bad for the kidnapper when it is determined that the lover was able to escape & the kidnapper dies of a self-inflicted wound. But the pressure has to really be intense when you kidnap your lover. But I would like to think I'm a cool cucumber. You won't be seeing my wife alive after I die on the 5:00 news, you can bet on that!
8a. What mammal would you choose to insert into your anus?
An elephant! Bring it on!
8b. What would you name your anal mammal pet?
Hey - whatever that elephant wants to be called. Chuckle chuckle chuckle snort.
9. The cast of 'Friends' has invited you for a week long cruise! Tragically, an iceberg has struck the ship which forces you to decide - which 'Friends' character do you choose to save? (Trick question!)
Obviously none of them, but I would consider the coffee shop owner.
10. If you were a sex toy, what would you be?
I would be a barbed wire pole!
Easy - everyone's favorite, Clorox! Minimal vomit & at least for 1 hour you can have your way with them while the poison demobolizes them.
2. Which cartoon character have you had sexual fantasies of being tied & tortured?
You might think this is cheating - but despite this character being best known as a video game, they did make a cartoon - ala Pacman. But my answer would be QBert.
3. Which serial rapist would you choose if you were forced to be raped?
I think I would prefer a female rapist - which would obviously be Debra LaFave (who would officially be a serial rapist if she raped me). But if I was going to go with a male rapist - I would think it would be John Wayne Gacy. What can I say? I love clowns!
4. If you had to lose a limb, which one? Also, if the dismemberment choices were between burning, sawed with chainsaw, bitten by pit bull or bitten by self in order to free oneself from a rock, which option would you choose?
Definitely my elbow, though if possible I would like to keep the rest of my arm. I would choose to have my elbow burnt - a control burn. Obviously this would be quite painful, but really - would I really want to have my elbow sawed or bitten? Obviously not, that would be stupid
5. When did you first realize that existence was without any purpose & that our lives are meaningless within the scale of a void-less infinite godless space?
I think that would be in the mid 80's when I got the Atari 2600 game E.T.
6. When did you first french kiss -
6b. Your father?
Now that is just sick. I would never french kiss my father. Now, if it was Father Dowling played by Tom Bosely then we'll talk
6c. Your household pet?
When I was nine.
Hey - I didn't say I was proud about it. But I was nine, who else was I going to french kiss?
7. Scenario - you have kidnapped your loved one & intend to kill them, realizing that they will never truly love you as you love them. Who will you kill first, your loved one or yourself? (Trick question!)
I would hope I would get this one right - my lover of course. I always feel bad for the kidnapper when it is determined that the lover was able to escape & the kidnapper dies of a self-inflicted wound. But the pressure has to really be intense when you kidnap your lover. But I would like to think I'm a cool cucumber. You won't be seeing my wife alive after I die on the 5:00 news, you can bet on that!
8a. What mammal would you choose to insert into your anus?
An elephant! Bring it on!
8b. What would you name your anal mammal pet?
Hey - whatever that elephant wants to be called. Chuckle chuckle chuckle snort.
9. The cast of 'Friends' has invited you for a week long cruise! Tragically, an iceberg has struck the ship which forces you to decide - which 'Friends' character do you choose to save? (Trick question!)
Obviously none of them, but I would consider the coffee shop owner.
10. If you were a sex toy, what would you be?
I would be a barbed wire pole!
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