The Lottery - The Redneck Savings Account
I'm not a lottery player, I've played it 3 times in my life. But of course I have a little dream where I do win it, and all is good. But one thing that makes me want to play it more - is so I can stop all the rednecks from winning. Why are these people allowed to play?
I'm talking about the couple from some assfuck town who don't plan on quiting their jobs & aren't planning on going anywhere. Of course they have & will spend it on Hummers - no, not even the good kind, but the SUV type - & whatever the Fingerhut catalog offers. This is the epitome of white trash, or what the world calls - Americans. They would prefer to stock up their lives with as much crap as you could buy from the store, than any real 'experiences'.
They claim they don't want to travel because their kid is in college, no the kid is not retarded, blind, limbless, or gay - he is just some normal kid going to tech school to learn how to repair saw mills. Again - what is the kind of person that doesn't want to travel because they obviously feel everything is right there in their community? Rednecks.
"The Eiffel Tower? We got a water tower that is just as nice"
"The lions in the Serengeti? We got bobcats that go after our chickens at night, I don't need to see anymore wild cats"
"The culinary masters of northern Italy? There's an Olive Garden down the highway in town"
Plus they are going to establish a non-profit organization. Booooring. What are they going save? All those kids that are going to hell because they play too much video games like Doom? So they'll team up with Mel Gibson & launch a multi-million dollar software company that produces action games such as "Moses vs Demonic Galactic Hair Dressers" or "Jesus Walk On Water Dance Challenge". Or maybe they will start a missionary service for those poor godless cats & dogs in the county pound. Oh, they will still be put to sleep - but at least they will go to heaven now.
So - who would the Brad spend the money on?
Myfuckingself.
That obviously includes my wife. I will also throw a few cents to my family & loved ones. But otherwise I will unleash a new era on Earth of me. Over the years I have determined what my great contributions will be:
* In my hometown in South Carolina, I will clear a full city block in downtown, pave it with asphalt & call it a plaza. In the center will be a magnificent 2 story statue of me, wielding a sword up to the sky & on the other hand the head of Stephen - a child hood bully. A moat will be constructed & red dye will gush out of my mouth filling the moat. Additionally security barb wire fence will surround the plaza & the song 'Eat The Rich' by Motorhead will fill the air.
* My child hood home will be converted to a museum to honor me. It is a ranch style home built in a 1970's subdivision full of typical "if I won the lottery I would keep my job" kind of people. The museum will accurately depict my life - when I killed Adolf Hitler, my four way with Angelina Jolie & the Olsen Twins, my anointing by God which produced my super strengths like looking through people's clothes. Of course the exhibits will all be staffed by trained monkeys.
* I will build a streetcar route on Memorial Dr in Atlanta, which I will be the conductor of. One thing though, the streetcars will all have mechanical face plates & will all speak in very gay English accents - I know, same thing. Along the route will be a number of businesses & attractions that I will operate - such as the kitty cat zoo & a legal crack house. Atlanta will be the crack Amsterdam of the world.
* I will neuter the entire Bush family.
I'm talking about the couple from some assfuck town who don't plan on quiting their jobs & aren't planning on going anywhere. Of course they have & will spend it on Hummers - no, not even the good kind, but the SUV type - & whatever the Fingerhut catalog offers. This is the epitome of white trash, or what the world calls - Americans. They would prefer to stock up their lives with as much crap as you could buy from the store, than any real 'experiences'.
They claim they don't want to travel because their kid is in college, no the kid is not retarded, blind, limbless, or gay - he is just some normal kid going to tech school to learn how to repair saw mills. Again - what is the kind of person that doesn't want to travel because they obviously feel everything is right there in their community? Rednecks.
"The Eiffel Tower? We got a water tower that is just as nice"
"The lions in the Serengeti? We got bobcats that go after our chickens at night, I don't need to see anymore wild cats"
"The culinary masters of northern Italy? There's an Olive Garden down the highway in town"
Plus they are going to establish a non-profit organization. Booooring. What are they going save? All those kids that are going to hell because they play too much video games like Doom? So they'll team up with Mel Gibson & launch a multi-million dollar software company that produces action games such as "Moses vs Demonic Galactic Hair Dressers" or "Jesus Walk On Water Dance Challenge". Or maybe they will start a missionary service for those poor godless cats & dogs in the county pound. Oh, they will still be put to sleep - but at least they will go to heaven now.
So - who would the Brad spend the money on?
Myfuckingself.
That obviously includes my wife. I will also throw a few cents to my family & loved ones. But otherwise I will unleash a new era on Earth of me. Over the years I have determined what my great contributions will be:
* In my hometown in South Carolina, I will clear a full city block in downtown, pave it with asphalt & call it a plaza. In the center will be a magnificent 2 story statue of me, wielding a sword up to the sky & on the other hand the head of Stephen - a child hood bully. A moat will be constructed & red dye will gush out of my mouth filling the moat. Additionally security barb wire fence will surround the plaza & the song 'Eat The Rich' by Motorhead will fill the air.
* My child hood home will be converted to a museum to honor me. It is a ranch style home built in a 1970's subdivision full of typical "if I won the lottery I would keep my job" kind of people. The museum will accurately depict my life - when I killed Adolf Hitler, my four way with Angelina Jolie & the Olsen Twins, my anointing by God which produced my super strengths like looking through people's clothes. Of course the exhibits will all be staffed by trained monkeys.
* I will build a streetcar route on Memorial Dr in Atlanta, which I will be the conductor of. One thing though, the streetcars will all have mechanical face plates & will all speak in very gay English accents - I know, same thing. Along the route will be a number of businesses & attractions that I will operate - such as the kitty cat zoo & a legal crack house. Atlanta will be the crack Amsterdam of the world.
* I will neuter the entire Bush family.
3 Comments:
I'm going to go buy a lottery ticket today!
By Melissa, at 15/11/05 3:53 AM
Now THAT sounds like a plan! Well thought out....as long as I can work at the Kitty Zoo, that is.
By Tiff, at 15/11/05 7:52 AM
I can just see you ripping out Bush's vas defrens like old speaker wire.
By John Shannon, at 29/11/05 4:11 PM
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