New Years Resolutions
When my bladder is full, I'm going to urinate in a toilet - not in my pants.
I'm going to eat steak, and a baked potato.
When the voice asks me what I want when I'm at line at Burger World - I'm not going to scream "Take me now Jesus! Take me now my lord!". I will ask for a Chubby Cheeseburger & rings instead.
I will try not to confuse my feelings of sadness for fucking turkeys. And neither for my feelings of fucking turkeys for eating ham & cheese sandwiches.
Numbers are for counting, but letters are for reading.
I will learn how to make toast using a chair.
I will discover where the wormhole in the mailbox goes to. I will then kill the person that uses it to transport my mail - unless they teach me their secrets.
I'm going to eat steak, and a baked potato.
When the voice asks me what I want when I'm at line at Burger World - I'm not going to scream "Take me now Jesus! Take me now my lord!". I will ask for a Chubby Cheeseburger & rings instead.
I will try not to confuse my feelings of sadness for fucking turkeys. And neither for my feelings of fucking turkeys for eating ham & cheese sandwiches.
Numbers are for counting, but letters are for reading.
I will learn how to make toast using a chair.
I will discover where the wormhole in the mailbox goes to. I will then kill the person that uses it to transport my mail - unless they teach me their secrets.
4 Comments:
Now pervs who Google "Man Fucking Turkeys" are going to be directed to your site.
By Ollie, at 30/12/04 8:45 AM
haha toast from a chair?
Have you been watching MacGyver again?!
By Tiff, at 1/1/05 10:32 PM
Hi, this is Service Lift Attendant from skyscrapercity.com! The following gem from you is perhaps the funniest thing I may have ever read:
"When the voice asks me what I want when I'm at line at Burger World - I'm not going to scream "Take me now Jesus! Take me now my lord!". I will ask for a Chubby Cheeseburger & rings instead."
I didn't laugh out loud, and I didn't smile...because I found it profoundly hilarious. Beyond physical reaction. I don't know if I can ever go to a fast food joint again without thinking of this. Thank you.
By Anonymous, at 28/1/05 8:22 PM
Far fucking out - thanks for adding. I admit I've neglected my dirty little blog for a while & haven't appreciated some comments that have pooped in.
By Brad, at 7/4/05 7:37 AM
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