Chapter one of my upcoming book chronicling my tour of duty in the Peloponnesian War

Tonight we heard Dando is going to hit Bravadoppolis squad when we cross the Nicias River. At least that's what Baldibiades said. Damn, I don't know what to believe in anymore - yesterday they said they were going to strike us over the Black Treacle ridge but they didn't. Fucking paranoia man, I don't know what to believe in anymore.... didn't I just say that?

What was that? I heard a sound over by the bank, Pericles is telling me to check it out - why do I always have to check it out? Probably nothing, but if it is something it will mean the death of me. I know it. I've been telling myself every day, today is the day I die. But oh god, I'm not ready. Not with Melanie at home,
oh I miss her. I hope my buddy Hercules is taking care of her, I know I can trust him. He's my best friend after all, and he promised me a job when I get back at his dad's furniture store.

Oh shit - I swear I hear them dirty Spartan whispers over there, must be a trap. Hey, isn't this river the border with Macedonia? Or was it that last sea we crossed? Whatever it was I know we're someplace we're not welcome.

"Hey Pedophilos! I'll trade you a bottle of wine when we get back to Shrangi-la for a cigar now!"

"Go fuck yourself Machurdian!" I yell, that fucking Turk always promises a bottle for everything, but he never owns up.

If I get out of here, things are going to be different with Melanie, I know it. If only I get out of here.