Chapter one of my upcoming book chronicling my tour of duty in the Spanish American War
Tonight we heard Jose is going to hit Bravado squad when we cross the Romaranes River. At least that's what Smith said. Damn, I don't know what to believe in anymore - yesterday they said they were going to strike us over the Black Treacle ridge but they didn't. Fucking paranoia man, I don't know what to believe in anymore.... didn't I just say that?
What was that? I heard a sound over by the bank, Sherridan is telling me to check it out - why do I always have to check it out? Probably nothing, but if it is something it will mean the death of me. I know it. I've been telling myself every day, today is the day I die. But oh god, I'm not ready. Not with Melanie at home,
oh I miss her. I hope my buddy Samuel is taking care of her, I know I can trust him. He's my best friend after all, and he promised me a job when I get back at his dad's furniture store.
Oh shit - I swear I hear them dirty Spanish whispers over there, must be a trap. Hey, isn't this sea the border with Haiti? Or was it that last sea we crossed? Whatever it was I know we're someplace we're not welcome.
"Hey Hensley! I'll trade you a bottle of whisky when we get back to Shrangi-la for a cigar now!"
"Go fuck yourself Harroldson!" I yell, that fucking Irish man always promises a bottle for everything, but he never owns up.
If I get out of here, things are going to be different with Melanie, I know it. If only I get out of here.
What was that? I heard a sound over by the bank, Sherridan is telling me to check it out - why do I always have to check it out? Probably nothing, but if it is something it will mean the death of me. I know it. I've been telling myself every day, today is the day I die. But oh god, I'm not ready. Not with Melanie at home,
oh I miss her. I hope my buddy Samuel is taking care of her, I know I can trust him. He's my best friend after all, and he promised me a job when I get back at his dad's furniture store.
Oh shit - I swear I hear them dirty Spanish whispers over there, must be a trap. Hey, isn't this sea the border with Haiti? Or was it that last sea we crossed? Whatever it was I know we're someplace we're not welcome.
"Hey Hensley! I'll trade you a bottle of whisky when we get back to Shrangi-la for a cigar now!"
"Go fuck yourself Harroldson!" I yell, that fucking Irish man always promises a bottle for everything, but he never owns up.
If I get out of here, things are going to be different with Melanie, I know it. If only I get out of here.
7 Comments:
Melanie opened her eyes. She was groggy; but not suprised to have her nose in a negroe's arm pit, a snoring arm pit. The smell was used love. She thought of her man in the war.
"Samuel, wake up. You gotta...just get out, this isn't right."
Samuel yawned and scratched his balls. he then sniffed his fingers and combed them through Melanies hair. He worked his way down to her gates.
S-Sam-u-u-u-u-l-l-l-y-e-a-h-b-a-b-y. Your Dad said you had to unload the new office chairs at 5 in the morning, will you make--"
"Baby, I's gwine to unload something. It's 4:30, dat's early too. Hush up 'n flipps over, woman."
By John Shannon, at 25/8/04 9:46 PM
Hey - who said you could write the romantic parts of my book?
By Brad, at 26/8/04 6:12 AM
Melanie's love roared on for her black stallion. Like the wind that chased her away from her antebellum home, this wind would entice her into rich's beyond her dreams.
Samuel, a man born to push the edge of heaven. Never content with his humble background, he ever wanted more - Melanie would quench his thirst for power for now.
But at what price?
By Brad, at 26/8/04 6:21 AM
Samuel dismounted the magnificent four-post bed. He admired Melanie's father's craftsmanship. He thought back to when Wolfie Sweat used to be friends with his father. It was a shame, he thought, that they had a falling out. But Wolfie never produced so sweet and honey lucious a matress like he did when he pumped out the gooey genetic code that made his daughter, in whom another possible blueprint was either dead or murmuring in vain within an unrustled, slumbering fold.
But this idea of genes and DNA were all just theoretical notes that Sam used to jot down between costumers. Someday he'd travel to the Galopagos, write a book, maybe sell it in Japan; have himself a Japanese girl - try out some more theory.
By John Shannon, at 26/8/04 7:13 AM
But ideas poured out like wine in those days. Men were men - men of steel and brilliance. Like Montana lumberjack Albert Einstein, that developed his theory of relativity while high on mescaline as he fought a ravenous whale into the deeps of the Pacific.
Charles Darwin, used to say of Albert - "If that son of a bitch ain't the smartest mother fucker, I'd be a monkey's uncle. And I probably am one!". Charles Darwin, famed evolutionist, brilliant comedian. Starting off from a Vaudeville troupe that included straight man Thomas Edison, Darwin was famous for his "monkey's uncle" punchline. But sadly, like so many gifted comedians, he died at an early age due to a car crash.
These were the men of science, and the men that women lusted. Samuel was just another one of those men. His fame meteorically jumped in Japan, but he sadly developed a tragic interest in japanime. He also liked Jap-pop music.
By Brad, at 26/8/04 7:55 AM
Samuel reminisced about a particular Vaudeville skit. Darwin walks up to Edison, who's leaning up against a street light, "Hey, there, fancy pants!"
Edison: "Who Me?"
Darwin: "No, the other guy leaning against the street light with a raging hard-on."
Edison: (Looks down, straightens up, and braces for a nasty encounter) "Sir, you are gravely mistaken! I am not standing here in the throes of sexual stimulation!"
Darwin: "Fine! Let me help you then!"
Edison: (Fighting off the unwelcome and sudden groping from the strange intruder) "You sir are a miscreant and a deviant, and a...a..." (relenting...)
Darwin: "A monkey's uncle?"
Edison: "Ha ha ha...perhaps a Bonobo!"
Darwin & Edison in unison: "Ha ha ha...(Darwin's laughter slightly muffled for his lack of oral vacancy.)
By John Shannon, at 27/8/04 8:20 AM
But the laughter soon stopped for Vaudeville legend Thomas Edison. Soon after thrilling thousands at Budokan, Thomas Edison was upstaged by an upcoming comic.
The lights were on Edison that night, demonstrating both his ability to turn darkness into light & his ability to bring a man's sorrow into joy. He was on a roll until:
"Hey Edison, your mother was sleeping on her side last night - some country folk must have tipped her over!"
Thomas Edison was incredolous, as the audience was. But one after another laughs rolled through the audience. What sort of humour was this? Making crude statements about an individual's mother?
No one had ever heard such vulgar comments made into such a delightful frolicsome joke. Everyone, including Edison demanded to know who it was. And they would know, because walking to the front was no other than famed radiation theorist Marie Curie.
Marching directly in front of Edison, she requested "What's the matter Tommy boy? Was that cum hard to swallow?"
Bold, daring, Marie Curie both shocked & fascinated Samuel. He wondered, how to use vulgarity to make people laugh, but not hurt him - and a method to use X-rays to wash & dry dishes.
By Brad, at 27/8/04 11:10 AM
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