Why I like my job.
I know I have complained about my job before. But just like any relationship, there are good days and bad days. Most of them are good days though. I stick around my job because I like it. I like being a designer. I like my coworkers. And I am in a situation that not many recurrent miscarriers have. I will explain.
When I first started my current job, two years ago, I had just had one of many in my list of miscarriages. I was hired as a contractor to fill in for a graphic designer who was going on maternity leave...And I had to train with her daily to learn her job until she went on leave. That was a hoot, man. She even informed me of every single move her little tyke made. Oh yes, that is exactly what a freshly recovering miscarrier needs. And then there was her baby shower that was on my first day. Can you say, "Stab me with that fork over there?"
Meanwhile, every other female of reproductive age in the building was cranking out kids right and left. Big round pregnant bellies everywhere. It was a nightmare, like that scene in Being John Malkovich where he goes into his own head. Except it was "Baby? Baby baby. Baaaaaaby. Baby, baby, baby." They would stand right outside my cubicle talking about the woes of pregnancy. I would go to the restroom, only to overhear pregnancy talk from pregnant woman A and B in opposite stalls. It was everywhere. I left work crying more than ten times, I assure you.
When my contract ended, my boss decided to renew it, but gave me the option of telecommuting. I jumped on it. I was a telecommuting contractor for the next six months. When my boss decided to bring me on as a permanent employee, she took me to lunch. We talked. I told her about my history, reproductively speaking. I simply opened up. She had known about one miscarriage because I missed work that day, but had no idea about the rest of it. I told her about the rest. Ordinarily, I'd have been afraid it would scare off a future boss, but she was different. She listened and did her best to sympathize.
I accepted the job.
Since then, the Marketing Department gained new members. My boss is the same, however. We have weekly meetings and we all know weird little things about each other, we all have slightly twisted senses of humor (some more than others). And we all have mutual respect.
But the big thing is this. My coworkers, all 13 members of the Marketing Group, know about my fertility issues. How did this happen?
I got pregnant in late April 2004. It was a bit unexpected for a change. And it lasted for a while. When I was being bitchy at work and the tuna casserole that someone cooked in the microwave was making me want to hurl, I decided to take an HPT.. at work, no less. It was SO FREAKING POSITIVE I almost lost my composure. I'd never had one that dark before.
I slowly let it leak to my coworkers, as I was apologizing for the bitchiness. They were happy for me, but when I explained my history, they somehow understood that pregnancy didn't always mean baby so that's why I was not 100% happy yet.
Then the dreaded day. June 4. The bad ultrasound. The d&c. I emailed my boss from the hospital room and asked her to let everyone know, and that when I return I simply would not be capable of talking about it.
I got the sweetest card and flowers from the entire department while I was out that week.
...and they held to their promise and let me talk about it when I felt up to it upon my return. They didn't come rush to hug me or anything that they thought might make me cry. They just gave me considerate space, but I always knew every single one of them was there if I needed them. You don't find that in FAMILIES sometimes.
Since then, I created The Infertile & Hormona. The Infertile adorns my weekly Marketing meeting task sheet. Everyone knows my alter ego. I decided that it was far easier to be around a fertility challenged sob story if she was laughing about it too. They laugh with me, and know not to laugh too hard.
When I had my laparoscopy, guess who knew? All of them. As I am approaching IVF, guess who knows about it? All of them. And they are all supportive, including and especially my boss. Do I feel like they are invading my personal space? No way. As little privacy as this body has had in the last three years of infertility treatment and testing, I feel like I have nothing to hide anyhow. But these people are genuinely concerned.
I've only gotten one asshole comment from one of them, and I try to forgive her because she's clueless about a lot of things. But I've never received assvice from any of them. In fact, I had a lengthy discussion with a male coworker whose wife suffers from endo. Another from a male coworker whose wife and himself are looking into adoption. I've hosted educational luncheons with a few female coworkers who were interested in learning about some of the procedures.
This is why I couldn't quit my job. It is hard, if not nearly impossible, to find a situation like this. To find a group of people like this. How often do you find that kind of thing?
When I first started my current job, two years ago, I had just had one of many in my list of miscarriages. I was hired as a contractor to fill in for a graphic designer who was going on maternity leave...And I had to train with her daily to learn her job until she went on leave. That was a hoot, man. She even informed me of every single move her little tyke made. Oh yes, that is exactly what a freshly recovering miscarrier needs. And then there was her baby shower that was on my first day. Can you say, "Stab me with that fork over there?"
Meanwhile, every other female of reproductive age in the building was cranking out kids right and left. Big round pregnant bellies everywhere. It was a nightmare, like that scene in Being John Malkovich where he goes into his own head. Except it was "Baby? Baby baby. Baaaaaaby. Baby, baby, baby." They would stand right outside my cubicle talking about the woes of pregnancy. I would go to the restroom, only to overhear pregnancy talk from pregnant woman A and B in opposite stalls. It was everywhere. I left work crying more than ten times, I assure you.
When my contract ended, my boss decided to renew it, but gave me the option of telecommuting. I jumped on it. I was a telecommuting contractor for the next six months. When my boss decided to bring me on as a permanent employee, she took me to lunch. We talked. I told her about my history, reproductively speaking. I simply opened up. She had known about one miscarriage because I missed work that day, but had no idea about the rest of it. I told her about the rest. Ordinarily, I'd have been afraid it would scare off a future boss, but she was different. She listened and did her best to sympathize.
I accepted the job.
Since then, the Marketing Department gained new members. My boss is the same, however. We have weekly meetings and we all know weird little things about each other, we all have slightly twisted senses of humor (some more than others). And we all have mutual respect.
But the big thing is this. My coworkers, all 13 members of the Marketing Group, know about my fertility issues. How did this happen?
I got pregnant in late April 2004. It was a bit unexpected for a change. And it lasted for a while. When I was being bitchy at work and the tuna casserole that someone cooked in the microwave was making me want to hurl, I decided to take an HPT.. at work, no less. It was SO FREAKING POSITIVE I almost lost my composure. I'd never had one that dark before.
I slowly let it leak to my coworkers, as I was apologizing for the bitchiness. They were happy for me, but when I explained my history, they somehow understood that pregnancy didn't always mean baby so that's why I was not 100% happy yet.
Then the dreaded day. June 4. The bad ultrasound. The d&c. I emailed my boss from the hospital room and asked her to let everyone know, and that when I return I simply would not be capable of talking about it.
I got the sweetest card and flowers from the entire department while I was out that week.
...and they held to their promise and let me talk about it when I felt up to it upon my return. They didn't come rush to hug me or anything that they thought might make me cry. They just gave me considerate space, but I always knew every single one of them was there if I needed them. You don't find that in FAMILIES sometimes.
Since then, I created The Infertile & Hormona. The Infertile adorns my weekly Marketing meeting task sheet. Everyone knows my alter ego. I decided that it was far easier to be around a fertility challenged sob story if she was laughing about it too. They laugh with me, and know not to laugh too hard.
When I had my laparoscopy, guess who knew? All of them. As I am approaching IVF, guess who knows about it? All of them. And they are all supportive, including and especially my boss. Do I feel like they are invading my personal space? No way. As little privacy as this body has had in the last three years of infertility treatment and testing, I feel like I have nothing to hide anyhow. But these people are genuinely concerned.
I've only gotten one asshole comment from one of them, and I try to forgive her because she's clueless about a lot of things. But I've never received assvice from any of them. In fact, I had a lengthy discussion with a male coworker whose wife suffers from endo. Another from a male coworker whose wife and himself are looking into adoption. I've hosted educational luncheons with a few female coworkers who were interested in learning about some of the procedures.
This is why I couldn't quit my job. It is hard, if not nearly impossible, to find a situation like this. To find a group of people like this. How often do you find that kind of thing?
14 Comments:
You're lucky to have met a nice group that understands like that. I have a pretty sweet deal too, I'm just bored with my job but it's a nice group too.
xxoo,
Emily
I am just to see that there are actually people out there that know how to act. Kudos to them.
I am glad you have a nice bunch of peeps to work with.
I still can't get over that one 'asshole comment' though. OUCH!
That's very good, and hard to find, no doubt. Disclosing our painful experiences can be quite the balancing act. Looks like you've achieved it.
It must be so refreshing to have coworkers who understand AND respect the meaning behind "personal space". While many of mine know about my pregnancy troubles, they all seem to think they know what is best for me. It gets old.
Wow! Can I work there? I'll work for free (or almost). Please?
Wow. What a change from the Karate Mama days. Isn't it great when you do open up and things go RIGHT? It is amazing how most people are able to respond correctly once they know the whole story.
Evelin
I am a lurker, but just wanted to say thank you for this post. It is so easy to hide our IF from friends and family because of the fear of insensitivity. It was encouraging to hear that opening up CAN have advantages, too, and can lead to a support system in the most unexpected places.
What an awesome group of people you work with!!! I am so happy that you have a good support system in real life. I know it's gotta help.
Wow, that's a sweet deal you've got there. And pretty hard to find, too. I quit a designing job of twelve years to get away from the jackholes and now I work at home. All alone. For myself. And still, I find that even I get on my own nerves.
Hmmm. That's bad, isn't it?
Danae/Hardscrabble
I thought I was lucky to work entirely with men so no risk of any of them getting pregnant. But I like yours better.
It makes all the difference in the world to have co-workers like that, you're very lucky.
I have a similar situation, I'm an independent consultant but I've been at my current client for 3 years! My boss went through 10 years of IF hell, had an emergency hysterectomy then adopted a couple of years later. So she really gets it. The other 2 ladies I work with know about all my IF crap and they are very sympathetic and know when to leave me alone. It really does make a huge difference. I'm so glad you have this, Ollie.
NOt a lot. My job--most of the time--is pretty good. Everyone knows about my infertility problems, too, and most people are amazing, overall. I know exactly what you are talking about when you compare it to the John Malkovich scene. THere were ten pregnant women at my job last year.
Jees, I wish you lived nearby.
Karen.Naked ovary
(Wow! There's another SUZ!) I'm so glad everybody at your job understands. At the school where I work everyone knew about my problems too. SO many people came out of the woodoworks who'd had ttc probs....one who'd tried for 14 years and finally did embryo donation. She and I became much better friends. YAY for cool folks!
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