Girl Returns Home.
Hi everyone. I am back from my Big Adventure in the Big Apple. Boy do I have tales...
1. I don't know who it was that invented the American Girl doll, but he/she is simultaneously an entrepreneurial genius and the most annoying motherfuck in the whole damn world. I have never seen so many creepy-ass dolls and little girls dressed like their creepy-ass dolls in my whole faaaaaaaaaaaah-reaking life. Not even waaaaay back with the Cabbage Patch phenomena. $100 a doll and the kid doesn't even brush its hair for crying out loud--It has its own beauty salon. Yeah, that shit just ain't right. *shudder*
2. The Empire State Building. Great view and I do mean GREAT. But SCREW that journey to the top. I don't like people THAT much. *it's broiling hot in here---stop touching me, stinky lady!*
3. Carnegie Hall IS everything it boasts. It's all that and a bag of Cheezits. And to the delightful couple that sat next to us--it's called Mozart. It's brilliant. Have respect--seriously, don't come if you plan to snore through it.
4. NYC. A land of angry people. Who honk. A lot. Then call each other "jerkoff". But boy do I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.
5. When the tourist guide in your hotel room says, "Frank Sinatra ate here," interpret this as, "Someone named Frank S-Si-Sinat.. something.. came here once, I think. Hey, we're better than Olive Garden!" Then go somewhere that doesn't require name dropping to attract diners.
6. Chinatown and Little Italy are so damn cool. That's all I have to say about that.
7. Don't try to rush two huge museums into one day when you're already sleep-deprived, hungover, it's freezing rain outside, you are walking everywhere and you forgot to bring a heavy coat. Because experience says that you will spend the evening doubled over in crazy abdominal pain and throwing up your lesser known internal organs. Trust me.
8. Matzoh ball soup----------SO good. Oh my goodness.
9. Talking about point-of-purchase details with 200 different vendors is BO-RING. Snore, snore, snore. Especially when meanwhile your special fella is running around the coolest fucking city in the country all by himself.
10. There's this cheesy, ridiculous bar in Time Square called "Mars 2112". Apparently it is a great place to see silliness in the form of actors-turned-waiters-dressed-like-deformed-aliens, children running around the feet of Planet Hollywood-level drunks AND hardcore gangsta rappers. Yes, we saw all of the above. It was worth a hearty round of laughter and strong liquor. Rappers were familiar, recognizable, but not so familiar as to rush for autographs.
10. No matter how great a time you have, it is always good to come back home. Boy did I miss my kitty girls. I am so grateful to have such a kick-ass catsitter who watched them all week and even brought them each a Christmas present package that had kitty treats, a mousie and a puffy ball toy. She rocks.
1. I don't know who it was that invented the American Girl doll, but he/she is simultaneously an entrepreneurial genius and the most annoying motherfuck in the whole damn world. I have never seen so many creepy-ass dolls and little girls dressed like their creepy-ass dolls in my whole faaaaaaaaaaaah-reaking life. Not even waaaaay back with the Cabbage Patch phenomena. $100 a doll and the kid doesn't even brush its hair for crying out loud--It has its own beauty salon. Yeah, that shit just ain't right. *shudder*
2. The Empire State Building. Great view and I do mean GREAT. But SCREW that journey to the top. I don't like people THAT much. *it's broiling hot in here---stop touching me, stinky lady!*
3. Carnegie Hall IS everything it boasts. It's all that and a bag of Cheezits. And to the delightful couple that sat next to us--it's called Mozart. It's brilliant. Have respect--seriously, don't come if you plan to snore through it.
4. NYC. A land of angry people. Who honk. A lot. Then call each other "jerkoff". But boy do I love it. Love it. Love it. Love it.
5. When the tourist guide in your hotel room says, "Frank Sinatra ate here," interpret this as, "Someone named Frank S-Si-Sinat.. something.. came here once, I think. Hey, we're better than Olive Garden!" Then go somewhere that doesn't require name dropping to attract diners.
6. Chinatown and Little Italy are so damn cool. That's all I have to say about that.
7. Don't try to rush two huge museums into one day when you're already sleep-deprived, hungover, it's freezing rain outside, you are walking everywhere and you forgot to bring a heavy coat. Because experience says that you will spend the evening doubled over in crazy abdominal pain and throwing up your lesser known internal organs. Trust me.
8. Matzoh ball soup----------SO good. Oh my goodness.
9. Talking about point-of-purchase details with 200 different vendors is BO-RING. Snore, snore, snore. Especially when meanwhile your special fella is running around the coolest fucking city in the country all by himself.
10. There's this cheesy, ridiculous bar in Time Square called "Mars 2112". Apparently it is a great place to see silliness in the form of actors-turned-waiters-dressed-like-deformed-aliens, children running around the feet of Planet Hollywood-level drunks AND hardcore gangsta rappers. Yes, we saw all of the above. It was worth a hearty round of laughter and strong liquor. Rappers were familiar, recognizable, but not so familiar as to rush for autographs.
10. No matter how great a time you have, it is always good to come back home. Boy did I miss my kitty girls. I am so grateful to have such a kick-ass catsitter who watched them all week and even brought them each a Christmas present package that had kitty treats, a mousie and a puffy ball toy. She rocks.
8 Comments:
Glad you had a good trip. You deserve it. Serena
Hey Ollie Darling! Welcome Home! Glad you had a good time (plane ride and all!) and got home safe and in one piece.
Love, Scarlett Cyn
How can you go to NYC and not love it? I mean, unless you're that kid from Kansas, but hey! I'm talking about the food, the museums, the cultcha. Went to Mars 2112 with my bf and his 9 yr old daughter, J. The alien waitress asked me if J was my spawn. Oh, my, how we all did laugh [wiping a tear from my eye.]
Glad you had fun but next time, ask me where to go and I'll direct you away from the 2112s of the place. The W times square, Whisky Blue, The Paramount, there are just so many other cool places to go...
Glad you are back ... Did you get to the Cupcake Cafe??? They have the best goodies ...
Um, and I totally agree about Matzoh Ball Soup. Over the past year I've made Carter learn how to make it for me. Sure, from a package, but whatever!!! It is still delicious!
Evelin
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Sounds like a great city - I see you living there one day! - Kym
Welcome home, sister!
Jen/vintageuterus
The woman who invented American Girl dolls is named Pleasant (that's her first name). She made vast quantities of money from this and proceeded to spend it on her alma mater, Wells College, and Aurora NY, home of Wells.
And, according to an article I read in Preservation (I think), by spending money entitled her to turn Wells and Aurora into her personal fiefdoms, mightily pissing off preservationists. But at least she didn't make them dress as aliens or claim Frank Sinatra wanted this.
My dad calls the American Girl Doll Empire "a license to print money." My niece has two dolls, the horse, the riding outfit (courtesy me) and numerous other accoutrements. It's insane.
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