Truth be known..
I just simply don't give a shit anymore.
I feel like I have fallen from grace with myself. This is supposed to be a blog that is an insight into my mind. Whooptee friggin' doo. I don't even care what is in my mind these days. I find myself bored with me, bored with the world, bored just about every aspect of things going on lately. I even debate closing my blog, retiring, taking my mind to a more tropical location.
Olivia Drab's mind:
30% Exhaustion
20% Blood loss & Dehydration (all sources)
50% Depression
Most of the time I just cry. Cry and stare at my blank email inbox. Cry and avoid going into the "nursery-reserved room". Cry and put more clothes into the "one day will be able to squeeze my body into again" storage boxes. I cry when I am told "all normal", I cry when I am told "abnormal". I cry when just about anything happens (or doesn't happen) these days. Sad, huh?
What am I going to do about it? Hell if I know. Probably just do what I've been doing for three years. Pull myself up by the bootstraps (does anyone know what those are?) and brush myself off. I am not bored with my homelife. I am not bored with my five freako kitties. I am not bored with my small ring of friends. I am not bored with chocolate chip cookies that no one will be able to pry out of my hands no matter what dosage of Metformin I am threatened with.
What do you do when life hands you a wreck? You shovel dirt and compost into it and make a lovely planter.
I feel like I have fallen from grace with myself. This is supposed to be a blog that is an insight into my mind. Whooptee friggin' doo. I don't even care what is in my mind these days. I find myself bored with me, bored with the world, bored just about every aspect of things going on lately. I even debate closing my blog, retiring, taking my mind to a more tropical location.
Olivia Drab's mind:
30% Exhaustion
20% Blood loss & Dehydration (all sources)
50% Depression
Most of the time I just cry. Cry and stare at my blank email inbox. Cry and avoid going into the "nursery-reserved room". Cry and put more clothes into the "one day will be able to squeeze my body into again" storage boxes. I cry when I am told "all normal", I cry when I am told "abnormal". I cry when just about anything happens (or doesn't happen) these days. Sad, huh?
What am I going to do about it? Hell if I know. Probably just do what I've been doing for three years. Pull myself up by the bootstraps (does anyone know what those are?) and brush myself off. I am not bored with my homelife. I am not bored with my five freako kitties. I am not bored with my small ring of friends. I am not bored with chocolate chip cookies that no one will be able to pry out of my hands no matter what dosage of Metformin I am threatened with.
What do you do when life hands you a wreck? You shovel dirt and compost into it and make a lovely planter.
15 Comments:
You could try chocolate crinkle cookies.
email me for the recipe and hang in there. I get the odd bored not bored thing. All the time. So not good.
Wavery Bindweed Heights
Just remember that blogging is for you. Not for us readers. Its a place where you can be yourself. If someone has made this a place where you can't do that, well then, I say find another outlet. Start up a new one, or make it private so nobody can see it. Maybe just for a while. Or just take a break. Concentrate on the things that you are not bored with/have the possibility to make you happy.
Well shit.
Yet another thing we have in common.
I am fucking bored out of my ever loving mind too.
And shit again..Donna said what I was gonna say.
Just know that there ARE people here for you and who care about you...and will read every word you write.
((HUGS))
Olivia,
Please don't estimate the people reading by the number of comments. Take a break for a while - take up a short course, have lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a while,change something. We all go through this as our lives revolve around getting a period, using opk's, trying to procreate, two week wait and then yet another month of disappointmet. Post a picture of your red bathroom - luv to see it.
None of my boots have straps. Maybe that's my problem.
I hear you, my friend. I feel much the same way lately. I simply don't give a shit anymore, either. I wish I had an answer, I really do.
Thinking of you.
Danae/Hardscrabble
Can I join? I'm so bored that nothing rankles me anymore. Oh, I still feel sad and angry and bitter and all that, but the intensity for even that is gone.
I'm bored and it's a sucky place to be.
Thinking of you.
xxxxoooo,
Emily
scrambledeggs
I would like to offer a hug and a cookie. (You can have the three that I didn't eat for lunch today - seriously, they're still in my car.) I hope that you pull out of it soon. I like your planter idea - it's like dumping the old tractor in your front yard. It's not a useless tractor - it's a LAWN ORNAMENT! And there are so many pretty things about you that you'd make one gorgous wreck, sweetie! ((hugs)) -Kym
Hi, Melissa! I just wanted to pop in and tell you I'm sorry you've been down. I love how Tiffani just puts it out there! This whole thing just sucks...literaly sucks the life out of you.
You are not alone Ollie honey! And frankly, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this either. You echoed exactly how I'm feeling.
I would like to make you feel a bit better about the cookie situation though..... when I was first prescribed Metformin, my doc told me to keep a couple of cookies handy sp ,u sugar didn't drop TOO low. (I take it for the PCO, not diabetes management tho)
Also, if you email me, (scarlett.cyn@gmail.com) I'll be happy to email you. You don't mind the odd dirty joke now, do you? Hee heeeee.
I'm sorry, sweetie. I know where you are. When we got the news that nothing, really, could explain our failed ivf after failed ivf, I was like, well fuck it.
I'm thinking about you, hoping those bootstraps are up soon. If not, lemme yank em for you. I lurve you.
karen/naked ovary
Oooooh Ollie...
I know.
I hear ya. I'm not in that place right now, but have been there. Many times I thought I'd have permanent residency in that place.
Marla
Middle Way
Aw, baby.
You've taken a tremendous blow -- the "we don't know" blow -- at the end of a series of, well, more tremendous blows. You've weathered a whole hell of a lot recently. I mean, gaw, how many times can we be expected to heave ourselves up and Get Happy?
But cookies spring eternal. As a metformin veteran, I can tell you I seldom have problems with cookies. Ice cream, sure. Cheese tortellini, definitely. Entire package of Oreos, no problem. That's proof of divine grace if anything is.
I send you love and smooches, and hope for a contented Ollie in the not-too-distant future. I can't wait to see what grows in your planter.
I was sent something that helped with my political pain, disillusionment and panic over the current and future state of our country. Have a look - there is 170+ pages of photos.
http://www.sorryeverybody.com/
Hope it helps...
:) Nlea
Ditto to what Anonymous said. I read, but I don't comment, because my comments are so dorky.
Anyway - thinking of you, and sending love.
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