Where's the other shoe?

I hate that I have become so accustomed to bad news following good news that I neglect to notice when it is just good news. I got the results back from my hormone blood tests yesterday. "Normal". But then the nurse HAD to add, "the numbers for your FSH are normal but they did slightly increase since your last test."

So what do I do? Naturally I begin to lose my composure, possibly hurting good friends in a situation where this is too close to home. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my three years since we started this madness of trying to conceive, good news inevitably follows with bad news.

"Hey, you're pregnant! ... but oh, the numbers aren't climbing like they should."
"Oh look! A gestational sac! ...but oh, chances are you will miscarry."
"Your results are normal! ....but oh, actually they are borderline, and we need to treat you."

It gave me a kneejerk reaction. I now EXPECT bad news, I HEAR bad news when they are saying "good news". I cannot seem to help it. I just don't expect good things out of this body these days. I expect to always be the girl with the red puffy face, the one who leaves the doctor's office crying, hoping no one else in the waiting room, or the hallway, or the parking deck, or at the eternal redlight on the corner, sees me. I've been her, too many times. Now, like a Pavlov's experiment, I hear "good news" and start crying.

So what do I do with this new information? I am going to try to take it at face value. I am going to accept this as something to check off the list. I am going to apologize for the insensitivity that might have hurt feelings of those in a situation where the shoe DID drop.

...and then I am going to regroup. Because I am not out of the clear yet. I still have Friday to worry about, and that's a whole new set of shoes.