The Coup
They thought they could control her. Sunday through Sunday, 28-day cycle. That's the rule, right? Do not stray from the rule. The rule is branded onto the ironic pink pack in heavy black letters. Control is the name of the game. They thought, "This lady is a sucker. She will keep going as long as we tell her to."
That's what they thought. They were wrong.
Her last pill, Tuesday night. Her body had its orders. A wink. A nod. Whispers in the shadows said, "Coup".
The Natural Hormone Liberation Army checked and rechecked their weaponry. A loaded handgun taped to the back. A razor-sharp diving boot knife tucked into a hidden holster. They dressed in camouflage. Today would be the day. It would be no easy task. The Pills had been in tyrannical power for some time. Time enough to royally screw things up.
General Estradiol was asleep when the NHLA infiltrated the brain. The temperature began to drop, waking him from a dream about a roller coaster. The General flew out of bed and called for backup to his chamber, but it was too late. NHLA had already taken control of the Cerebral Cortex. The emotions were trapped in a makeshift prison cell. Operation Pissy-No-More was well under way.
Estradiol called the remaining officers and they set forth to defend the uterus and ovaries, their only remaining ground. They would fight to the death.
It was a two-day march from the command center to the battlegrounds. Their scheduled visit wasn't for another four days, he hoped that they were prepared enough to defend camp this early. The NHLA was hot on their trail. General Estradiol knew the Cramp Brigade would be waiting for them at Checkpoint. If they could only make it by sunrise.
What the General didn't know was that spy assassins were hiding within the ranks. It never mattered how fast they traveled, defeat was imminent.
The bloody battle began on Friday morning, five days earlier than scheduled. The spy assassins revealed themselves and joined the battle. They were heavily armed with Naproxen Grenades. The Cramp Brigade didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. The stronger forces were rounded up by an allies of the NHLA, the White Russians.
The battle would wage for days. But the NHLA had won. General Estradiol was defeated. All that remained was the restoration.
That's what they thought. They were wrong.
Her last pill, Tuesday night. Her body had its orders. A wink. A nod. Whispers in the shadows said, "Coup".
The Natural Hormone Liberation Army checked and rechecked their weaponry. A loaded handgun taped to the back. A razor-sharp diving boot knife tucked into a hidden holster. They dressed in camouflage. Today would be the day. It would be no easy task. The Pills had been in tyrannical power for some time. Time enough to royally screw things up.
General Estradiol was asleep when the NHLA infiltrated the brain. The temperature began to drop, waking him from a dream about a roller coaster. The General flew out of bed and called for backup to his chamber, but it was too late. NHLA had already taken control of the Cerebral Cortex. The emotions were trapped in a makeshift prison cell. Operation Pissy-No-More was well under way.
Estradiol called the remaining officers and they set forth to defend the uterus and ovaries, their only remaining ground. They would fight to the death.
It was a two-day march from the command center to the battlegrounds. Their scheduled visit wasn't for another four days, he hoped that they were prepared enough to defend camp this early. The NHLA was hot on their trail. General Estradiol knew the Cramp Brigade would be waiting for them at Checkpoint. If they could only make it by sunrise.
What the General didn't know was that spy assassins were hiding within the ranks. It never mattered how fast they traveled, defeat was imminent.
The bloody battle began on Friday morning, five days earlier than scheduled. The spy assassins revealed themselves and joined the battle. They were heavily armed with Naproxen Grenades. The Cramp Brigade didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell. The stronger forces were rounded up by an allies of the NHLA, the White Russians.
The battle would wage for days. But the NHLA had won. General Estradiol was defeated. All that remained was the restoration.
3 Comments:
I especially like the Naproxen Grenades!!! Those things can cause some damage to Cramp Brigades.
Glad things sound like they are getting better!
God damn, bcp's!!!
Oh that was good. I love a good pun and that was good.
Emily
scrambledeggs
You rock. that was an awesome post.
karen/nakedovary
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