5th Anniversary Adventure

So yesterday, July 10, was Brad and my 5th Wedding Anniversary.

First, we woke to the chittering sounds of little chickadees outside our window. "Chirrup! Chirrup!" they said. Sounded a lot like "Cheer up," and I thought, why you silly birdies! I am not sad! Today is our anniversary!! Word leaked that it was our special day, so a neverending parade of kooky clowns and funny animals performed for us in a magically choreographed dance.

Then we ran naked through the woods, seeking the Magic Unicorn of Life. Instead of finding the Magic Unicorn, we found the angry Park Ranger who didn't know what anniversary traditions are all about. Boo-hiss!

Part I: Ok, what REALLY happened..
Five years ago, we woke up and went to my family reunion in Thompson, Georgia. It was a glorious time--we shared greasy, chicken and potato-based Southern cooking with my family. Then we all followed a processional to the church where Brad and I were united in Holy Matrimony. It was performed by my Uncle, who was very ill. Because of his health, we'd never rehearsed the ceremony so it was entirely impromptu. Really cool thing to do. Scares the infidelity out of your bones and makes you forget that you didn't get a veil so all the back fat from the last year of obsessively eating Oreos and Mexican food is showing from your low-backed wedding gown. The reception was marvelous though.. at least that's what I've been told. I was reaaaaaaaaally drunk at the time. *hic*

In keeping with nostalgia, we retraced the steps of our wedding. Our anniversary fell on the exact same day as this year's family reunion. So we did what any sane, romantic couple would do. We went to see my crazy over-religious family to share bad food!!

Mmmm.. Wal Mart chicken and some-kind-of-potato-salad.

Segue: The Reunion, and the Aunt Story...
My crazy family took turns sharing family news, podium style. My crazy-ass aunt explained the miracle that took place that week. It WAS a miracle, my friends. You see, there is apparently this gang of white-haired-good-Christian-lady muggers in Augusta. Oh yes. They are bad news. The chances of a sweet white-haired Christian lady being mugged at any given point of the day anywhere in the big evil city of Augusta stands just below 100%. At least that's the way I understood the setup to her story. So she goes to the hospital to visit her daughter. She calls ahead to ask the hospital to provide a security guard to PERSONALLY escort her to the door. They responded as if she was CRAZY!

WHAT?? Say it ain't so? *GASP!*

Yes, it is so. They said "Nay".

So she prayed and prayed that she would be delivered from the evil clutches of the whippersnapper muggers who haunt the hospital parking deck at 10am on a weekday morning.

She parked near the elevator and stairwell. Opened the car door. Stepped out of the car. And heard a voice.

"Good morning, Ma'am." It was a security guard, in uniform, complete with parking meter on his belt. She answered with a Christianly "Good Morning to you, too."

She walked the five feet to the elevator and when she turned around, the guard was GONE!!!

IT WAS AN ANGEL!!! A GUARDIAN ANGEL!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!! Sent from Heaven to watch over her as she walked from her car to the elevator!!! WOW!! It was a miracle sent from Heaven, praise God for this display of His MIGHTY justice and magnificence. We all clapped our hands and peed ourselves at this glorious tale of hope and splendor.

So, anyway... we heard more miraculous tales and overly-detailed stories of medical procedures (I could have topped 'em all but I might have caused a few of the older relatives to feel woozy had I mentioned the word "vagina") and Guardian Angel sightings (apparently the angel army has been hiring because they are in full force in the blue collar industry these days--keep a lookout for 'em girls!) We ate dessert, and left.

Part II: After the Reunion
In honor of our fifth anniversary--the Wood Anniversary-- we got each other two bags of wood chippings EACH to go around our pitifully-struggling hydrangeas who are being choked by damnable kudzu.

We finished off the evening with a FANTASTIC dinner at Fishmonger Seafood Grill in Midtown, Atlanta. Holy shite. That was some EXCELLENT lobster linguini and scallops. The entertaining waiter called me "luminescent". What a flirt. Then he brought us brownie a la mode in honor of our anniversary. We tipped well. I recommend that place to anyone looking for a really scrumptious, unpretentious seafood restaurant in Atlanta--we seriously lack them here.

All in all, it was a good day. I laughed a lot, which is always good. And it marks five years of making the best decision of my life. Can't go wrong with that, eh? Love you Booboobear. We will find that Magic Unicorn next time. Bugger can't hide forever.