Broken

My Ob/Gyn called me this afternoon.

According to the genetics testing of the fetal tissue, our daughter had an aneuploidy, a chromosomal abnormality called Turner Syndrome or 45X (instead of the normal chromosomal set, 46XX). It only occurs in females. Without getting too scientific, she was lacking a major part of the chromosomal structure and couldn't survive, although it does sometimes happen. In survivors, there are so many physical, developmental and reproductive problems that are associated. But term pregnancies with this abnormality are rare. Had we made it as far as the CVS testing, the doctor would have informed us of the markers for a chromosomal abnormality and we would have had a very hard decision to make.

The bottom line is that there was nothing that we could have done. Nothing would have saved her. And there was nothing I had done wrong. It was inevitable, even if I'd had the hysteroscopic surgery before the pregnancy and it wasn't because of my age. It doesn't stop the hurting, however. But now it is a different hurt. One that provides a small sense of closure. I just have to accept what happened, hope that it was random bad luck, and even more so hope that it won't happen again.

Our next step is genetic counseling to see if it is a permanent situation. I know from prior karyotyping that both Brad and I have normal chromosomes. As to whether or not there is something else that karyotyping doesn't detect, I don't know. I am sure we will find out through the counseling.

I am still going to have the hysteroscopic surgery to rule out anything else. As we all know, bad situations can travel in pairs. We just want to make sure there aren't any bad silent partners in my reproductive history.

Now I just have to process this information. Process and research. And hope... a lot.